Flavor 11: I Used To Get Hundreds Of Bug Bites — Now I Don't Get Any
The Thermocell is on SUPER SALE today only — do not ignore this email!
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What: The Thermacell Radius Mosquito Repellant Machine
Anything I Should Know?: This thing works. It works because the vapor the machine emits is NOT all natural, or organic, or chemical-free. I have tried every bug bite spray, patch, bracelet and cream on the market and my legs and feet would still be eaten alive and then covered in quarter-sized welts that I would then scratch until my entire lower body was bleeding. I have the (many) scars to prove it. If organic and toxin-free is important to you, this probably isn’t going to fit that description. If bug bites ruin your summer year after year, read on.
Why Should I Buy It Today?: It is allegedly NATIONAL MOSQUITO DAY (????) so Thermacell is Amazon’s Deal of the Day. Usually the radius goes for $50 bucks and today only it’s $20 off. All of their products are on sale today
Last July we invited two of our friends over for a BYO backyard dinner hang. We sat on one side of our backyard and they sat on the other, and we scream-talked at each other, careful to not get too close. It was a hot night, and I was wearing shorts and a tank top. As the sun set, we were still finishing up our meal, and we lingered outside for another hour to savor the first IRL socializing we had done in months. We all had a film of OFF! bug spray on our bodies and a citronella candle was lit by each couple.
As happy as I was to see my friends, I was miserable because my legs and feet were covered in brand new mosquito bites. Big, itchy welts spread across the tops of my feet, on my ankles, and up and down my shins. One even made its way to my butt, leaving me clawing at my skin in pain. I had only been sitting outside for 2 hours. No one else was getting the bites I was getting.
If one more person tells me I must have sweet blood I will stab myself, drain my own blood and then cover them with it so they can experience what it’s like to be a feeding ground for mosquitos. Dramatic? Anyone who can relate to being covered by a blanket of bites will tell you no. I’m not being dramatic.
The next day I went to Home Depot and spent a ton of money on various methods of bug repellant. I bought more candles, bug spray, something called Wondercide—a non-toxic, all natural mosquito repellant and should just be called liquid bullshit
I also bought a Thermacell Radius, the last one left on the shelf and priced at $50. It’s a small, USB charged device that takes cartridges of a liquid that emits as a vapor when you turn the Thermacell on. The claim is that the vapor creates a 15-20 foot radius around the device that keeps bugs from penetrating it. I already put about $90 worth of Nazi Tiki Torches with citronella in my cart; I was desperate for anything that sounded like it might work. The Thermacell was more expensive than the torches but decidedly less Nazi-ish, so I threw it on the pile along with another $20 vapor refill cartridge.
The citronella KKK sticks did not work. I put them up, lit them, and ten minutes later was tearing up my feet and screaming about how no one in the world had it worse than me.
After determining that nothing mild, moderate or all natural was going to cut it, I reluctantly opened the $50 Thermacell and let it charge. The next night I was going to eat dinner outside at dusk barefoot and in shorts with the Thermacell by my side. If this didn’t work, I was screwed; destined for a life indoors until the first frost (which, btw, never comes in LA).
The next night I marched outside with the Thermacell. It was full charged, had a cartridge in it (it comes with one when you buy it), and I was crossing my fingers. I set it on the bench next to me and I kept looking at it, wondering if it was doing anything. It doesn’t have a smell. It doesn’t make noise. You have to look very carefully at the little hole at the top where the vapor comes out and if you squint your eyes a little, you can see it rising. 2 hours later, no bug bites. I assumed it was a fluke, so I repeated the process the next night. This time, I brought it out to the hot tub with me at dusk. A hot tub is basically a breeding ground for mosquitos because it’s still water. If the Thermacell worked out here, I had something magical in my possession. NO BITES.
From that day on, the Thermacell would go where I’d go. I bought another one and keep one charging so I will always have one ready to go. I carry it with me anytime I am going to be outside. I bring it to the park, to the beach, to outdoor dining, to friend’s houses. A few weeks ago I brought both to a friend’s backyard and stationed them on either side of their patio. My friends had warned us about the mosquitos that had been invading their yard. When we gathered our things to leave later that night I asked anyone if they had gotten any bites. My friends looked at me wide-eyed.
“You know what?” one said. “I…don’t think I did!”
“Me neither,” the other exclaimed.
“THERMACELL RADIUS I’LL SEND YOU A LINK!!!!” I screamed in their faces.
A few days ago I messed up and realized I had not purchased refill cartridges in time, leaving me Thermacell-less for a night outside. I was mildly panicked but I also hadn’t gotten a bug bite all summer. I’m sure one night won’t KILL ME, I remember thinking.
How quickly we forget. By the end of the night I was once again cloaked in itchy welts and misery.
The Goods: The Thermacell works for me. If you haven’t found something that works for you, please consider trying it.
The Caveat Emptor: Is it full of chemicals? Yes. Do I care? Honestly…no. I’m sorry, I don’t!! If a dab of essential oil and citronella works for you I am jealous of and happy for you. But I need BIG GUNS to not end up even more permanently scarred, literally and figuratively, by my history with mosquito bites.
If you missed last week’s Flavor, read all about Wonder Water!
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I’m IN! I can’t even enjoy my beautiful new patio because of the torturous bug bites. I just ordered two. I’m counting on your recommendation Caroline to give me my yard back!